Fun With Carbs

To the marketers of Chick Beer...

Her Energy Drink…

Skinnygirl Margaritas…

“Girl Burgers”…

“I’m Too Pretty To Do Homework” T-shirts…

Engagement chicken…

And a myriad of other stupid pink bullshit products…

Just stop. My head is practically bruised from all the facepalming.

(A big thank you to Kat Kinsman of Eatocracy for giving me the push to finish this blog entry.)

Between daily press pitches and my own personal diet of food blogs and websites, I see a lot of cringeworthy offenses. And at the risk of getting all English-teachery, I decided to document the ones that irritate me the most.

Sneak peak: You’re giving me a furtive apex of your menu? How kind of you. Oh, sneak PEEK. That’s what you meant. (Then write that.)

Palate/palette/pallet: I don’t know at what point these became interchangeable. But they’re not. Palate is the only one that refers to taste.

Resto: “Resto” is a cutesy abbreviation for “restaurant” that needs to die a horrible death. It’s only marginally acceptable on Twitter, with the 140-character limit. And if it’s in your headline, kiss SEO goodbye.

It’s/its: “It’s” is a contraction of “It is.” “Its” is a possessive. I thought we all learned this in elementary school.

Laughable adjectives: A dear friend, Amy Kundrat of CTBites, once asked me to shoot her if she ever used the word “tantalizing” in her food writing. I’m more weary of over-the-top descriptions like “stunning,” “exquisite,” “legendary” “outstanding” and “mouthwatering.” (Let the critics decide that.)

The mother of them all, the misuse of “your” and “you’re”: You could have written the most compelling copy imaginable. But if you’ve titled the press release “Your Invited,” it’s in my deleted items folder as fast as my keystroke can move it there. Not only is that my biggest grammar pet peeve, it’s one of my top 10 pet peeves. And I have a lot of pet peeves.

Honorable mention: Any and all Groupon copywriting. Consider this entry from last week, a 50% discount at a Peruvian restaurant in West Hartford:

“The best way to familiarize oneself with a different country’s culture is to spend 10–15 years in one of its maximum-security prisons, but the second-best way is to taste its cuisine.”

Yeah, now I’m really craving ceviche.



It should come as no surprise that I – like many food lovers – am completely and utterly obsessed with “Parks and Recreation” character Ron Swanson (played by Nick Offerman.) How can you not love a man who’s so enamored with meat?

And it also shouldn’t surprise you that Rob got me this T-shirt for my birthday – a gift I loved just as much as the bottle of 2007 Rodney Strong Rockaway that he smuggled home from California.

Leeanne and Dad, Christmas 1981

I’m 30 today. And planning to embrace it.

This has nothing to do with food, directly. It’s more about what I need to do to counteract the side effects of said food.

As my clock ticks toward 30 and I continue to eat for a living, I can no longer ignore the necessity of regular workouts. Unlike some of my blog friends, who actually enjoy running (seriously? What are you smoking, and can I get some of it?) I’ve never been a fan of exercise. So I have to work extra hard to stay focused and entertained during a long stretch on an elliptical machine or treadmill.

Here’s the good news: I’ve got all the right tunes. Since my senior year of high school, my musical tastes have run heavily toward electronica/dance and hip-hop. While my classmates worshiped Dave Matthews Band, I would lose my mind over beats and remixes. (I still do. For some reason, it took me forever to discover Girl Talk, but now I’ve seen the light.)

At the gym, though, my playlists are a little more wide-ranging. Depending on where I am in a workout, I’ll listen to everything from British girl pop to industrial metal. Over the past few months, I’ve figured out exactly which songs I need to keep me going at each turn, and I thought I’d share these with you in case your own iPod needs updating.

Clipse, “All Eyes On Me” : I often like to start out with this song. It’s got a great beat and a lot of attitude. If you need motivation to keep going, sing along to the chorus: “Hate now, all eyes on me.”

Scooter, “Posse (I Need You On The Floor)”: I still have no idea how I found this bizarre German techno group (it was college; we were REALLY into Napster) but damned if this song doesn’t keep my pace on the treadmill. Key lyric: “I’m bigger and bolder and rougher and tougher, in other words sucker, there is no other.” When I’m gasping for air and my calves are burning, that pushes me through.

David Guetta feat. Will.I.Am. “I Wanna Go Crazy”: I pretty much love anything David Guetta puts his name on, and I’ve gotten through workouts with his music as an exclusive soundtrack. But this collab is particularly high-energy, with a pounding, grinding rhythm that never loses steam. Nor will you.

N.E.R.D., “Rock Star (Jason Nevins Remix)”: Love it equally for its fast pace and perfect refrain. When you’re trying to hit that incline on the elliptical, it’s hard not to shout along, “YOU. CAN’T. BE. ME. I’M A ROCK STAR.” (Well, you could. But it’d certainly get you tossed from Planet Fitness.)

Ministry, “N.W.O.”: Confession – I went through a weird heavy-metal stage in junior high. Which somehow led to industrial metal, which eventually blended into straight electronica. This song should be an assault on my ears at this point, but instead it’s ideal for those last five minutes of a cardio burn when you’re just going balls to the wall.

Which songs pump you up and keep you going? Got any more suggestions for me?